Problems with behaviour can be one of the hardest things to deal with when you have a child with additional needs

Unfortunately children with additional needs can sometimes have behavioural challenges attached, and this can make life a real struggle for you the parent, because not only are you trying to do your best for your child on a daily basis, you are then confronted constantly with behaviour that can be just horrendous to try and deal with.

And you need to ignore all those friends and family members who constantly try and give you parenting advice on how to discipline your child.

I can’t even count the amount of times friends have told me I’m too soft, too strict or getting it wrong in some way or other.

But the proof is in the pudding as they say, and Lachlan, for a child with ‘severe’ ADHD is now extremely well behaved and is improving every day, because of these methods.

The first thing you need to do is have a great deal of patience.

I know this is hard when you have a child who is spitting and kicking at you. But it is vitally important that at these times you remain calm.

With children with additional needs, getting the positive / reinforcement balance right is key.

Related Article: How to Build Self Confidence in Your Child

For children with additional needs you need to be aiming for 85% praise 15% discipline (at most). So, yes give them ‘mild, fair and constructive’ discipline if they do something that really can’t be ignored. But, the majority of your focus needs to be on positive reinforcement.

Even the tiny efforts the make need to be praised, such as just saying please or thank you, or putting something where you asked them to, or being kind to someone.

And if they try really hard at something, make a big deal out of it, really boost them up by telling them, super enthusiastically, how proud you are and how wonderful it is that they’ve made an effort or tried hard at something.

Note: It is important to promote a growth mindset by really praising their effort.

Advert – Continue Reading Below

If you do find yourself in a situation where you think it is necessary to  discipline your child, try and keep discipline for only the really important things. If they do something wrong and it’s quite a small thing, try to simply ignore it. If they are violent or do something particularly bad then using a punishment that is a consequence and that is fair, mild and consistent.

Getting the ratio between praise and discipline right isn’t an easy balance to master.

We are raised with everything being the other way round 85% discipline 15% praise. And on top of this all our friends and family will see your child misbehaving and will tell you or even just look at you in a way that says ‘you are too soft, this behaviour is your fault’.

Because of these judgements and society’s beliefs, we often do the opposite of what we should, and we discipline more and praise less.

So, from now on I want you to make a promise to yourself that you’re going to try really hard to get that 15% discipline and 85% positive reinforcement balance.

Related Article: Sleep Disorders – What You Can Do To Help

I do want to point out though, that this doesn’t mean you should ignore it if your child does something really bad.

Nevertheless, praise every effort no matter how small. 

Please note, you must never use any form of violence or abusive language against your child. And when disciplining your child it is really important that you don’t get personal. Don’t put them down or say things like “you’re such a naughty little …”. This just pulls their self esteem down even lower than it probably already is and will cause them to rebel even more.

Just remember praise, praise, praise. Loads of it.