How will the breakup of your relationship with your partner affect your kids?
Is it better to leave an unhappy relationship or stay together for the sake of the children? And how can you stop the children being affected?
We all know that stability is important for children. It is even more important for children with special needs.
When a child with special needs feels unstable or unsettled it triggers behavioural problems, it worsens attention and concentration, it heightens hyperactivity and anxiety and it can cause an increase in meltdowns.
So our job as parents is to keep them feeling as stable and settled as possible.
But what about when something happens that is out of our control. Or what about when you and your partner separate.
Related Article: Bullying – My Fears as a Special Needs Mom
This can be so so very hard to deal with as a parent. Not just as a parent of a child with special needs, but any parent.
But when your child has special needs and you’re trying so hard to keep them feeling settled and stable and all of a sudden you go through this huge breakup, how do you keep them feeling stable then?
I am going through this at the moment myself.
My husband and I separated a couple of months ago, and separation is hard enough as it is, but then add to that the fact that you are trying to protect your children as much as possible and it becomes a bit of a nightmare.
The first thing you do need to realise is that staying together for the sake of the children is NOT the best option.
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Children need a stable and happy home and that will be achieved much better with happy parents who live apart than with miserable parents who live together.
However, how you manage the separation will determine how severely it affects the kids.
And it will affect them.
I’m sorry to have to say that, but it will. And when your child has special needs it can make their symptoms worse. But it is only short term and it can be very short term if you handle it well.
But if you do see their symptoms get worse for a short time, just be extra patient and remember that it won’t last long.
Of course the most important thing is that you and your ex partner remain civil and try and work together for the kids as much as possible.
Easier said than done though.
I’m struggling with this one.
It can be really tough to remain civil all the time.
But just do your best, you’re human. Get as much support as you can from friends and family, and stay away from people who make you feel worse not better.
But i guess the biggest thing is that you always put your children’s needs before your own.
In my case that has been really tough, because my break up wasn’t a good one. So being friendly and nice to my ex, having him around a lot and still spending lots of time with him, has been really difficult. But it has been the best thing for the children.
The problem with this, is that it’s much easier said than done, when you feel so bad in yourself following a breakup, you can barely hold it together to get through each day, you can barely take care of your own needs, and trying to think about someone else needs is virtually impossible.
Related Article: How to Make Life Easier for a Special Needs Parent
If you are going though this yourself and need someone to talk to, please click the link below to join the My Special Child Facebook forum, which is a safe place for parents of children with special needs, learning difficulties or behavioural problems to ask or give advice, or just vent to other people who understand without judgement.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/myspecialchildgroup/
Also, if you would like any personal advice, you can email me at rebecca@myspecialchildonline.com or use the contact me form.